What Is, What Was, and What Never Could Be
by jai ho x
Summary: Seth has imprinted on Jacob... but Jacob then imprints on Renesmee when she is born. Stays true to Stephenie Meyer's story plot. Just a one-shot. Kind of depressing. Story is better than summary. My first fanfic.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does, and I'm only borrowing her characters and making them do the things I want. =]

Author's Note: I do not really remember (if it said it at all) when the books stated when the werewolves actually became werewolves. So, I'm making up the ages when they first phased, and the age differences between all of them, so I hope I'm nearly correct, not too off the mark. Feel free to correct me.

Also, this is my first fanfic ever, so please, constructive criticism!

Seth and Jacob had been good friends every since either of them can remember.

And Seth had had a crush on Jacob... ever since he can remember.

He didn't quite know it himself, really. Neither did Jacob until about when he was in eighth grade and Seth was in seventh, but he did nothing about it. Because after all, a friend is a friend.

Anyway, Seth started realizing he was gay in about sixth grade. His mother and older sister, Leah, would always ask him if he had any girlfriends at school or if he liked any girls. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he _did_ find himself looking at some people in school for a little longer than usual, and maybe even desiring to kiss them. He recognized this as a crush. But he didn't feel at liberty to tell anyone because he found himself rather preferring the boys, as opposed to the girls. Even though neither his family nor anyone else he knew was against homosexuality, he wasn't ready for people to know just yet.

Seth had always had one particular boy who he'd always looked at and admired. He actually was very good friends with this boy, which brought him joy to believe that maybe, just maybe, he could have a relationship with him one day. Maybe, Jacob Black and Seth Clearwater could have something... _maybe_.

The real internal issue started when Seth, aged 14 at the time, turned into a wolf and began phasing. His good friend Jacob, 15, started just a few months before Seth, and so there was already quite a pack forming. See, there was this thing about being a wolf, the thing that was basically his beloved older sister Leah's demise, the thing he had learned about and hated instantly: imprinting. Imprinting was basically when you saw your soulmate, and that one person became your entire life. As Sam Uley, the pack leader (due to being the oldest one, and thus the first one to phase) worded it as "all strings that tie you to the universe are cut except for this one person."

Seth didn't hate imprinting because of what happened between his sister Leah and Sam Uley (Sam imprinted on their cousin Emily). He only merely disliked it because of that. No, the true reason that Seth hated imprinting was because of this one, crucial, evil fact: he had imprinted on his long-time best friend, Jacob Black.

Imprinting on a pack member had been unheard of, or at least so far as Seth knew, so he kept it a secret. It was always hard, and he really tried to phase as little as possible, seeing as you share your thoughts (even if unintentional and undesired) with the rest of the pack while in wolf form. It was hard not to think about your whole world. Especially when you constantly hung out with your world. Seth was constantly singing annoying songs in his head while phased and focusing on the objects ahead of him. He knew that Jacob didn't return the feelings (which he questioned because if the imprintee was also a pack member, wouldn't it be a two-way imprint?), and he knew that if he told Jacob, or anybody really, that it could, and probably _would_ ruin the friendship. That would be unthinkable and disastrous. He needed to be around his world. And this specific wolf's world needed him to be a friend. So that's just what Seth Clearwater came to be, a friend.

The day Jacob imprinted was a very, very sad day for Seth. He was just coming to terms with the fact that Jacob might not ever love him as something more than a friend, and he was pretty much okay with that, as long as he was always around. But to have Jacob _imprint_, on _somebody else_ was just an excruciating stab to his heart; to his soul.

Seth had kept his secret very well for the past 11 years. Looking away (with very much effort) while Jacob phased, singing his stupid songs, and reluctantly dating the occasional girl here and there was enough to keep everyone (except maybe Edward, Seth didn't know if Edward knew or not) from being suspicious, even Leah, and he was pretty much off the hook. Until one day changed all that.

It was the first time Jacob and Renesmee had finally had sex. Jake went for a run in wolf form with just Seth, making sure Leah didn't come. Jacob was telling all about it, giving the nitty gritty details down to the very core (literally) and Seth was doing everything to keep his resolve. He had learned over the years that he could think a little bit about something in the back of his mind, and it would stay covered from his pack members if he kept something much more obnoxious in the front of his mind. So during Jake's excited explanation, Seth couldn't help but think about how much he wished it was him. But as soon as the thought hit him, he knew what he had to do. So he shouted the ABC's in his head. Jacob was very confused by this.

"Seth, what the hell?!? This is important, man! Maybe I can even give you a few tips, hehe."

Seth knew Jacob was right, so he dropped the ABC song from his mind. But what he couldn't drop were his loving thoughts towards Jake, and the likes of it. It was at that very moment that Jacob heard for the very first time, Seth's true thoughts about him. His biggest secret was revealed right there. The bigger, russet-colored wolf froze.

"Seth, phase back, _now_." Jacob used his alpha voice to make sure there was no hesitation from Seth.

So, Seth did as he was told. They both put back on their cut-off sweatpants that had been tied around their ankles and were standing awkwardly next to each other. Seth, looking down, beet red, and embarrassed and ashamed. How could he have been so stupid? Why did he have to be such an open book? Why did stupid fate or whatever make him imprint on the one person he could never have? He kept his eyes glued to one specific blade of grass that was slightly taller than the rest and didn't dare look up. Jacob stood there, his eyes burning holes through Seth's forehead, dumbfounded and not knowing what to say next.

Jacob's emotions went all over the place, and he knew that one didn't have to have Jasper's abilities to feel them at that moment. He knew Seth felt his emotional roller coaster almost as clearly and strongly as he did. Jake went from confused, to shocked, to slightly flattered, to feeling bad for Seth, to grossed out, to embarrassed and angry. When he finally settled on one emotion, it was anger. Very partially because Seth didn't even have the decency to tell him that he was in love with him beyond all belief, but mostly because.... how _dare_ Seth have a gay crush on him? What was he thinking?!? He had Renesmee now! Was he kidding? Was this a sick joke? He examined what he could see of Seth's face closer and from his red cheeks and tears spilling from his eyes, saw that this was the farthest thing from a joke.

"I don't even know what to say," said Jacob in a strained voice. Seth winced at that statement, because he knew by Jacob's tone that his loss of words wasn't flattered or good at all, it was actually bad. And Seth was very, very right.

"Look at me, stupid faggot!" Jacob shouted at Seth. Unwillingly, Seth lifted his head and eyes to meet Jacob.

"Jake, I'm so sorry! Please let me expl-" He didn't have time to finish his sentence, because he was knocked in the jaw. Jacob was furious by now, and he needed to hit Seth again. So, that's what he did.

He swung left and right, to a fro, back and forth. Jacob hit him everywhere, his stomach, his chest, his eyes, his nose, his jaw, neck, and even legs. Seth was laying on the ground, not putting up an ounce of a fight, just crying as the love of his life expressed his hatred towards him in the worst way possible. Jacob called him names and shouted horrible things to him. "Are you happy you got my attention now, douchebag?" "Stupid idiot faggot, what the hell is wrong with you?" "You're so nasty, you deserve this!" "I bet you filmed me stripping to phase you sick fuck!" "I can't believe I was ever friends with such a flamer!" Seth absorbed it all without one word of fight back.

Seth wasn't mad in the least. He was sad, so very sad. Devastated was more the word for it. His best friend and love now detested him for something that he couldn't even help. Seth was okay with just being Jacob's friend, but now he couldn't even be that, he was sure of it. His very reason for existence hated him more than anything. All the hurt and pain was fleeting through him. It was as if the world was against him. And basically, that's how it was, because Jacob was his world, and he was now against him.

Seth didn't know how much time had passed. It could have been a few minutes, or it could have been half a day. But after the beating, he just sat there and cried from the excruciating pain he felt. Not physically, of course. He looked fine physically because his bruises and other abrasions had healed before Jacob even walked away, but from the emotional pain. For sure, Jacob wouldn't want to ever talk to him again. He would probably tell him to go kill himself. And for Jake, and Jake only, he would. He would do anything he asked. If Jacob even came up to him at that very moment, and asked him to forgive and forget and be friends again, Seth would do it in a heartbeat. He thought this might have actually been the case when he heard someone walking towards his direction, but soon enough he saw that it wasn't Jacob, but Renesmee.

Renesmee looked around confused, but then spotted Seth on the ground, crumpled and crying his eyes out. Jacob had told her what had happened and she told him she would go talk to Seth. But, she wasn't going to talk to Seth for the reasons Jacob thought. No, actually, she went to go comfort her best friend.

Seth, of course, not realizing this, was preparing for another round of beatings, assuming Renesmee would be mad at him for thinking of her lover that way. But instead of hitting him when she kneeled down to him, she stroked his arm gently.

"Seth," she started with tears welling in her eyes, "are you alright?" Seth stirred, and turned to look at her through shameful eyes.

"Oh, Seth! You didn't deserve that! I love you!" And with that, she threw her warm arms around his equally warm body. He just laid there, awestruck that Renesmee could still like him. Renesmee helped him so that he could sit up next to her, her arms still around his shoulders.

"Jake told me what happened... I'm so sorry. Never in a million years could I imagine that he would ever be that vicious towards anybody, let alone his best friend." Seth sobbed then. Not just light, held back tears like before, but full on sobs that China probably could have heard.

"Talk to me," offered Renesmee. She stroked his hair and the side of his face lovingly and lightly rocked him back and forth. She kissed the top of his head and silently squeezed out her own tears, so as not to let Seth know.

He said the only sentence that could describe his complete and utter sadness at that time. "It just hurts.... that.... he doesn't want me" he squeaked out. More rounds of sobs shook his body, and Renesmee could no longer contain herself. She began sobbing as well, and they sat there for approximately 54 minutes sobbing and letting Seth try to talk it out.

It was then that Jacob approached them.

"Renesmee, what are you doing? I thought you came here to straighten him out!" At this, Renesmee was furious. How could Jacob be so malicious? She looked up at his seething face, and gave him a look of disgust.

"You, Jacob Black, are the most vile creature I have ever encountered!" she shouted at him. Seth wanted to die even more than before, right about then. He didn't want Jacob to see him like this, especially since it was because of him. Renesmee took Seth's hand and helped him up and started stomping away, past Jacob, towards the house.

"Jacob, when you decide to be civil and normal towards your friend again, you call me. Until then, find somewhere else to stay, because I don't want to see your face! You're so horrible, and I can't even believe this is coming from you! Seth will sleep in _our_ bed, _with me_. Can't you see how you've hurt him?" And with that, Renesmee and Seth disappeared from his sight.

Jacob was frozen. He couldn't bring himself to comprehend what she had just said. Was she serious? He sat down to try to clear his head for a bit. It was about sunset now, but the darkness wasn't an issue getting home with his sight. He wondered if he would really have to go home, and if Seth really would be sleeping in _his_ bed with _his_ girl tonight.

"Not like the stupid pansy will notice anyway" he thought bitterly to himself. About half an hour later, then almost completely dark, Jacob got up and ran home in human form.

He walked through the door, and there was everyone, the entire bloodsucker clan that he dealt with to be with his one and only. All crowding around him with different facial expressions, but none were good. Carlisle looked sad. Esme looked disappointed. Rosalie looked like she was waiting to explode on him. Emmett looked extra tough and scary. Bella looked dumbfounded - after all, it was her best friend and like Renesmee and Seth, she couldn't believe he would react how he did. Edward looked furious - Seth was his very good friend. Alice looked intimidating - ironic, almost, considering her size compared to his. Jasper looked majorly uncomfortable most likely due to all the emotions swirling around the area. After a few moments of awkward silence, Edward was the first to cut in.

"I know Renesmee told you not to come back until you have decided to be civil." Jacob couldn't take this! Why were they all on _his_ side? He pushed his way through the circle of vampires and ran upstairs. He opened the door to him and Renesmee's room, and there was Renesmee, looking like an angel fast asleep. But there, obstructing his view, ruining his moment, was Seth, next to her laying in her arms, fast asleep with slowly drying tears on his cheeks. He walked out of the room, dumbfounded, and went downstairs and out the door, past the vampires who hadn't changed their positions at all since he'd seen them. He got into his Rabbit, and drove back home to Billy. He obviously needed to think about some things.

Who knew what tomorrow would bring?

Okay everybody, please review! Like I said, this was my first fanfic, so please be a little gentle! But if it's bad tell me what I can do to fix it/make it better!

=]


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